Last week we came upon a beautifully written Facebook post from Elizabeth Gilbert, who wrote Eat, Pray, Love, called Not This.
Not This is a short essay on what happens when we end up in the wrong place/wrong job/wrong relationship/wrong values/ wrong anything. Not if we end up there, but when we do. Because we all will end up there at some point. As Elizabeth says “The moment of realization is seldom fun..I call this moment of realization: NOT THIS.”
We’ve all had the feeling, that really tiny one, that something just isn’t the way it’s supposed to go. I don’t mean like “oh shit I’m a freshman in college 500 miles away from home, what do you mean I’ve got Lyme Disease?” (we would call that more of a circle the wagons and engage the warrior inside us moment).
Here is what I mean - I mean, walking out of a doctor’s appointment and feeling like that it just wasn’t right. Like nothing in that appointment worked. On any level. They listened, gave you a script, and answered all your questions, but it still feels not right. That little voice is saying “NOT THIS”.
You’ve heard the term “friends for a season”, now get ready for . . . doctors for a season! That’s where I’m at with my psychiatrist right now, and possibly with my LLMD (it’s short for lyme literate doctor, for us lymies).
Last week, after a serious bout of anxiety, my psychiatrist prescribed Cymbalta. And all the bells went off for me. Cymbalta has a host of side effects and is mainly for depression. Hello? Not dealing with that. Something said NOT THIS.
When I stopped trying to handle ALL the things by myself – all the lyme medications, all the stress of school, all the Doctors advice, something amazing happened. My anxiety decreased!
I have decided to go it without medication.
For now, NOT THIS just means that I am on hold until I decide what THIS IS. I’m just gonna be winging it with my favorite coping tool, Pinterest until I find a new one. (She is also going to be checking in with her favorite Mom so we can stay on track – when you are in NOT THIS, it’s time to circle your support wagons!)
I’m currently in a whirlwind of final projects, papers, presentations, and studying for finals, but I felt like I kinda left you all hanging last time. So I want to send out a huge massive thank you to everyone who’s been cheering for me/ praying/ well wishes you’ve been sending because they are working! I am doing better.
Our inbox firstname.lastname@example.org is always open! And it’s been a blast and so rewarding to read your stories and know we are not alone in any of this. Sharing our stories makes us so much stronger!
NOTE: to see the full post by Elizabeth Gilbert (we highly recommend, click here.
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!